The New Normal

(August 29)

It is Saturday night and my boys who are still here are all in bed. Three went home for the weekend, and let me just say that keeping track of five little boys happens to be a whole lot easier than eight. Who woulda thunk? (Probably everyone.)

Earlier today I was trying to think about what to blog about and was kind of at a loss, but the past thirty minutes solved that problem.

So hey I’ve got a story.

I have been thinking a lot about how this life is kind of becoming normal to me. It started while I was  sitting in church today and looking out into the giant jungle of mountains and trees and big plants (not a biology major). I thought back to when I looked out at the exact same view when I came for a week in March and thought it was so exotic and different and new. But now? Well it’s what I expect to see when I look outside.

So then I was like oh wow the jungle is becoming home.

But it also made me think of how it is probably not the normal life to live with eight little jungle boys in a thatch-roofed house who speak a different language than you do. Which also made me think I should probably write down what goes on in this house as, well, it’s probably not what goes down in the average house.

All to say, here’s the last thirty minutes of my life.

Every Saturday night the kids all gather together in Casa Grande to watch a movie. They get so excited about it. It is usually a nature video in Spanish, so while the kids watch it the staff have some time to hang out in the kitchen and make random food and talk in English.

So that’s what happened tonight. We squeezed fresh orange juice and Omar cooked up some noodle tomato thing which was divine and we laughed a ton and it was fabulous.

Then at 9:15 it was time to head back. Dani’s in the kitchen this week so she stayed behind to make some pancakes for tomorrow while I headed to the house with my 5 boys: Wilfredo, Hugo, Rodrigo, Henry, and Fermin.

On the way there I had to get Wilfredo and Hugo to come to the house instead of tackling each other. But it was honestly adorable as they’re brothers and they really love each other. Also Fermin was having a grand old time playing hide and seek in Casa Grande as he thought I’d go around looking for him. But I was tired and knew if I just left he’d follow behind, so I did. Once we got to the house he tried sneaking in through the door but I grabbed him and hugged and kissed him and he went on and on about how much he hated it when I’m pretty sure he hid just so I would do that.

And, well then they went insane for a few minutes. I am not quite sure how to explain them going insane.

Basically Wilfredo sometimes becomes a different person. Like he sticks his hips out when he walks and hits random things or he lays on the ground and chases bugs. I’m not kidding. It’s rather entertaining.

Fermin lays on his bed thinking if he hides there long enough he won’t have to brush his teeth.

Hugo runs around and pokes people and then giggles.

Rodrigo? He is either playing with a toy or grabbing me and refusing to let go or giggling with Hugo.

And little Henry sits on the counter and brushes his teeth for about a year and a half. And also tattles a lot.

So yeah. All that was going on. Until I said it was time for them to brush their teeth. Because after I said that I went to the bathroom and by the time I got out (I was only in there for like a minute I promise) chaos had gone down.

Wilfredo was teasing little Henry who was sitting on the counter distraught. So I told Wilfredo to apologize and he did but then Fermin started joining in. So then I told Fermin to apologize as well but somehow Henry got confused and apologized to Wilfredo. So then I was like oh my goodness who is teasing who.

AND WHY CAN’T I SPEAK SPANISH.

So then I just took Wilfredo and Fermin into my room and gave them a little talking to about how they needed to look out for Henry as he is younger than they are. Which really just ended up being a total and complete fail as I asked Wilfredo how old he was in an effort to prove he was a lot older than Henry and he responded with “ten months.”

So after that super unsuccessful effort to put my foot down I told everyone, once again, that they needed to brush their teeth.

Everyone declared they already had except Fermin. He ran to his bed and hid. I went over and he said he couldn't because he had no toothpaste.

Dani has more toothpaste for them but I don’t know where it is so I said he could use mine for tonight. Well then, naturally, all the boys suddenly had no longer brushed their teeth. Why? Because they wanted to use my toothpaste.

So what do you do. The reality is maybe they didn’t brush their teeth and, well, I brought a whole lot of toothpaste. So I gave a little bit to all of them which ended up being a long process because Wilfredo went insane with his toothbrush and it was so entertaining we all just took a few minutes to watch him.

But after I finally managed to give them all my toothpaste? They ate my toothpaste.

So then I regretted giving them my toothpaste.

Okay so fastforward a bit, like two minutes.

They all went insane again. So I got out my camera and now I have some pretty wonderful videos that I know I will watch one day when I am no longer here and treasure.

But after a whole lot of laughing and tickling and adorableness I called it quits and said it was time for bed. Right after I said that I saw the door wide open and realized Wilfredo was gone. So I was in the midst of running outside to find him when the door swung shut. And there’s Wilfredo, inside the house hiding behind the door. My goodness he laughed so hard and so did all the other boys that I couldn’t help but join in.

So I decided to punish him by tickling him as literally these boys laugh so hard when they’re tickled and it is the cutest thing in the world. So I tickled him and he laughed harder than I have ever seen him laugh before. But, well, I guess I should have taken that as my warning sign as he went from laughing to crying in about a split second. So then I felt pretty bad and didn’t really know what to do with this crying boy on the floor. Rodrigo waltzed over and declared that I could solve it by tickling Wilfredo just a little bit more, but I told him that probably wasn’t the best idea and to go to bed.

Wilfredo finally pulled himself together and crawled under his mosquito net and I’m pretty sure he’s mad at me.

Then I prayed with them and turned the lights off.

Anyways, that’s thirty minutes with them out of nine months. Also that’s five boys out of eight.

So yeah. Maybe that gives you an idea of the normal here.

So many times this week I have felt so much love for these kids.

Marcos never passes without giving me a giant hug and he is so incredibly precious and sweet and I adore him.

Juan Carlos walked into my classroom after a long day and called me Mother.

Angelica, a girl I’ve barely spoken to here, wrote me a long letter and called me her mom in it.

One of the boys, Alan, who has the greatest smile I have ever seen wrote a letter to the staff sincerely asking us to pray for him. It was so incredibly touching and made me think of how we can never know what’s going on in someone’s heart.

And there were so many other hugs and smiles and “Teacher, I love you” that I couldn’t even begin to write them all down.

At the end of every worship service during the weekend, we all get in a big circle. Then we go around and hug every person.

Every week I feel more attached to each kid I hug.

There are times when I feel so overwhelmed by the language barrier or the teaching or the task of being a mom to eight little boys.

But every time I’m overwhelmed one of the little kids gives me a hug or a letter or calls me their mom and I know.

I know I am blessed beyond words to be here.

I know this experience will change my life forever.

I know I will never be the same.

Luis Migel

(August 28)

I want to introduce you to Luis Migel.

Now disclaimer. Absolutely nothing I could ever write will even compare to meeting this kid in person. But I shall do my best.

Take a 70 year old man and put him in a little ten year old’s body.

Tuck his shirt in and hike his Spiderman pajama pants up like ain’t nobody’s business.

Give him a really raspy voice that has no volume except loud.

Throw in a strong will or two.

And now give him a little wire connected to a toy car he drags around.

There you have him.

I. Love. Him.

I remember meeting this kid when I came for a week in March. The missionaries at the time told me he was literally an “old man,” and I’ve looked at him that way ever since. I mean it’s not even a joke. You’ll find him sitting in a chair outside the house watching the world go by, and I’m pretty sure if it was a thing here he’d be sitting in Casa Grande every morning with coffee and the newspaper.

Anyways, as you can probably imagine, this boy is not all about that affection. Whenever I go to kiss him goodnight, he throws the sheet over his head and crinkles his face like I am literally the grossest thing in the world and how dare I ever come near him. (I know. I try not to take offense.)

Like I said, he’s got a pretty strong will. And that darling fact often winds him up in a bit of trouble. He’s one of the ones I mentioned previously who had to machete at night because he literally refused to get out of bed. (I’m talkin at like three in the afternoon.)

So the other day during math class he was being incredibly difficult. He has buddied up with little Fermin and together they are trouble times two. My goodness. They just so happen to be two of my four math students, so as you can imagine math time is a little bit cray. Well, I had given Luis Migel a gazillion and a half chances to start behaving, which is about a gazillion and a half more than I should have given him. So when he folded a flashcard into a paper airplane and then told me he didn’t do it, well, I was over it.

So I gave him the beautiful and blessed gift of machety-ing (I’ve spent fifteen minutes trying to figure out if that’s a word. Just go with it.) during recess.

And then he cried. Now just know that for the time I’ve know this kid I would never have signaled him out as a crier. In fact, I think I’d only seen him cry once before this. And so I felt a little bad. I let him get himself together a bit before I made him walk in front of his classmates to get to the place outside where I told him to work.

Anyways, as soon as I got him outside and handed him the machete and told him what he needed to do, he started to cry some more. Like a lot more. And then he started to tell me how much he just wanted to go home and be with his family.

Now Luis Migel has quite the story. As far as anyone knows, he has never met his father. And his mother died around a year ago in childbirth. So now he lives with his step-grandfather and siblings. He just hasn’t had an easy life.

So when I saw this little boy crying about how he wanted to go home, knowing home life isn’t easy, it broke my heart a little.

But at the same time, he had been so difficult in class. Every day. I knew that if I didn’t follow through with my consequence nothing would change. And so I hugged him and comforted him and then I handed him the machete and told him he needed to work.

Rough stuff.

He walked over to where he had to machete and sat down and cried some more. Usually I leave when the kids are working and just have them come get me when they are finished. But this time I decided to sit with him. And so I sat on the tractor nearby and watched him as he wiped away tears and cut the grass. For all of recess.

Once recess was finished I told him he was done and he started to cry again. After a couple minutes of trying to help I told him he had a few minutes to pull himself together before he had to come to class.

And a few minutes later in walked Luis Migel, and soon enough he was back to his old self, trouble-making and all.

But something changed.

I don’t remember if it was that night or soon after but he was sitting up on his top bunk when I told him he needed to brush his teeth. As soon as I said that, he looked at me, reached out his arms, and asked me to carry him.

My goodness it was probably one of the strangest things I have ever done in my life.

You do NOT carry Luis Migel.

Dani and I went on and on about how strange it was that I was carrying around this boy that is basically an old man and I joked to the kids about how he was my little baby and Luis Migel laughed and laughed. He soaked in all the love and attention he could get. And now? Almost every night he asks me to carry him around. In fact, the other day he sat on the counter for two minutes just so he could ask me to carry him to bed.

And I’m sure it’s pathetic that I do it but my goodness. This boy that went from hiding from me to being incredibly affectionate? Well he stole my heart.

Yesterday his grandpa came to the orphanage to take him home for the weekend. He was so excited and all packed up with his little backpack, standing next to his siblings. I asked him if he packed his toothbrush and his clothes and I had a moment where I truly felt like his mom.

And even though he makes the house a whole lot more hectic I seriously did not want him to leave.

I bent down and gave him a big hug and said, “I love you,” and he looked at me with that adorable crooked-toothed grin and said, “I love you” right back. And then I watched him walk away, shirt tucked in and pants hiked up, so excited for what laid ahead.

Sometimes working with little kids who speak a different language and cry easily and don’t want to shower or brush their teeth or do their chores is exhausting. It can be difficult to keep my patience or tempting to just let things slide.

But kids like Luis Migel? Well they make it all worth it. Because when I follow through, when I set expectations and don’t let things slide, well it shows the kids I care. It shows them I love them.

And then I get to watch them tuck their shirt in and hike their pants up and keep walking, eyes forward, excited for what lies ahead.

Can't Blame the Goat

August 19

So I’m pretty sure every day here I have a moment or a thousand where I just think to myself oh my goodness what is happening.  Where am I?

Not like in a bad way. More of like a this is interesting.

So I just thought I’d share with you a few of those moments so you can walk in my shoes and such. Just know my shoes are filthy because there aren’t any sidewalks.

Tonight while I was eating carrot bread and drinking lemongrass tea (um yum) we found a giant tarantula chilling on the ceiling.

Yesterday some guys killed a ginormous venomous snake they found hanging in Candace and Courtney’s house. I went over to see it and its head was chopped off but its body was still slithering around and coiling up and it was incredibly weird and strange and I’m still not sure if I’m convinced it’s dead.

At church last Sabbath I had the bright idea of drinking almost my entire water bottle during the sermon. My water bottle is rather large. So then I was all like thinking I was going to explode and stuff and I finally asked the lady who lives nearby if she had a bathroom I could use and she said she did. So I followed her out into a jungle field of trees and grass and sticks and then she left me there. So that was pretty fun.

Dani and I found a bug in our room that literally looks like a turkey you see for sale in the street markets here. Later, when we saw it a second time in the same place we named it Benedict. It hasn’t come back yet but I’m thinking it’s as close to a pet as I’ll get here so yeah. I have a pet.

Also we saw a cockroach eating its old skin so that was gross.

Teaching is getting a lot better. I feel like my kids are actually learning something despite the language barrier. They’re finally catching on to how to subtract when you borrow ten and I taught them how to tally when you cross the fifth tally because they didn’t know about that. Also I’m having each of my language students write their own book. We did a practice one in class yesterday together called “El Triste Cornejo.” It was about a rabbit that was really sad because it missed its mom because its mom made good food. I drew the pictures for it so basically the pictures are terrible but it was great fun and my students loved it. Also I miss my mom and she makes great food.

Ashley and Kevin are here! Yay! So now there are so many missionaries working here which is wonderful and also Ashley was a dear and gave me a pair of her basketball shorts and oh my goodness I’m so excited to wear something that doesn’t touch the ground.

Um last night I stopped by the kitchen to get some water and discovered darling Carol making banana oreo smoothies. I melted and she made one for myself and also one to take to Dani. So then I literally went running to the house because I was so excited and Dani and I had a fabulous feast. And then Andrew was walking by and he joined in and wow I love food.

Today I cut down giant plants with a machete in a field full of banana trees. Also I found my husband and his name is Tarzan.

Oh the other night Lui Miguel and Fermin refused to get out of bed after I asked them to several times. So I had to set my foot down and all that fun stuff so while everyone played in Casa Grande Saturday night I sent them out to machete with flashlights. It was my first time officially punishing the kids and, well, now when I ask them to get out of bed they do so I’m thinking it worked pretty well. But it was definitely interesting as I’m a bit more accustomed to time-outs.

The other day I was washing my face and little Henry was sitting on the counter and he asked me what the soap was for. I said it was good for my face and he said, “Because it’s red?” Which is just one of many comments the kids have made about my face being red. So yeah, in case you were curious, apparently my face is still red.

Today my adorable boys broke a pen and used the ink to paint their toys blue, and in the midst of that also painted some of the floor. I’m sure that’s bad and I’m making them clean and stuff but honestly I’m pretty impressed with their ingenuity. Personally I would have gone to Walmart and bought blue paint.

And, well, then there’s the goat. So basically I don’t even know where to begin with the goat. So much has happened with the goat.

Like. So much.

I guess I should start with when I was lying in my tent bed safe from bugs and heard Dani in the house saying “Darian. What. What is happening. Is this real. Darian. What is this.” And so then I thought the world was ending or something so I was like TELL ME TELL ME and then she was all like, “I just saw a goat.”

Well personally I’ve seen goats before so I wasn’t all that enthused and so she kind of had to make me get out of bed to look at the goat. Cuz honestly I was tired and didn’t care much about the goat.

But after I got up and looked out the window to see the goat I was super excited and like WHOA THERE’S A GOAT. LET’S GET A PICTURE WITH THE GOAT.

And then Dani warned me that goats charge and I didn’t believe her. Until we got closer to the goat and it charged. Then I believed her.

So we booked it into the house and pretty soon it started raining and all our boys came home and we spent the next thirty minutes watching our boys pretend to fight the goat.

But then Andrew and Kevin decided to for real take on the goat. And so now we have a fabulous video of these two charging at the goat and eventually the goat getting tired of it and literally chasing Andrew across Familia Feliz. I’m talking movie style. Like Andrew running with high knees and everyone screaming and hoping Andrew makes it.

Andrew made it.

And then come to find out later Dani was sitting in our house taking care of little Hugo who, bless his heart was so incredibly sick, when the goat just walked right in like he owned the place. Dani then proceeded to tell me it walked around a bit and then started to walk toward her and Hugo. So she put on a brave face and growled at the goat and it left. And basically that is the greatest thing in the world and I wish I could have seen it.

And, well, for three days now the goat has come back to campus.

Andrew has tied it to his motorcycle and brought it into town and tried to sell it to people.

It came back.

The boys have tackled it and kicked it and, well, been boys.

It came back.

And today I saw the volunteer Omar literally swing it around by its horns and then throw it.

I was like oh my goodness what is happening. Where am I?

But today this darling little goat is tied to a tree outside Casa Grande. It eats our grass and we give it water. And it makes really obnoxious loud sounds at night.

But it just kept coming back.

But honestly? I can’t say I blame the goat. Because this place is pretty great. And even though sometimes I feel knocked down and spun around I’m glad I get to wake up to another day of rain and heat and jungles and kids that I am beginning to love with every part of me. So if someone drug me away on a motorcycle? Well, I’m thinking I’d come back, too.

Creepy Crawlers and Candlelight

(August 13)

So in case you were wondering, jungle life doesn’t come without its charms.

Today I saw the biggest ant that has ever existed taking a brisk walk in our classroom. I must admit I put an end to its little adventure by the wonderful use of my student’s shoe. And a whole lot of freaking out as I thought it just might eat me. Yeah. It was that big. (Not really. Don’t go calling Guiness.)

The other day a spider was just chillin in my towel. Which of course I wonderfully discovered after I used my towel.

I’m also pretty sure a frog landed on my arm while I was in the bathroom. But that little bugger was so fast I’m still not sure what it was. But gracious. Knowing the creatures I’ve seen around here, I sure hope it was a frog.

Last night Dani and I were almost asleep when low and behold we saw a cockroach the size of a mammoth hanging out on our wall. Literally inches from where we were lying. Which of course resulted in a whole lot of selfies with this creepy species that was practically the size of my face and thankful thoughts toward the inventor of mosquito nets. (If you read into that enough let me just clarify and say my face is not the size of a mammoth. Cheers to a whole lot of exaggeration.)

Oh and also I guess I should mention that the other day we woke up to a snake in our room. Yeah. Super cute.  So basically I stood there with my flashlight shining on this snake that had conveniently found a resting place right behind my backpack while Belsa went and got Marcus from the Frijole’s house (I guess I should mention that these houses are all named after vegetables and fruits and beans.). So in walks this little boy with a machete in his hand, all geared up to save my life. He snuck over to my backpack and slowly moved it. And then I just had the normal reaction anyone would have when you know where the snake is and then suddenly you don’t know where the snake is.

I freaked out.

So then we spent a few minutes casually searching our room for what could very well be a venomous snake hiding who knows where. It was to no avail so we searched outside which was also to no avail. So yeah, pretty much we lost the snake.

Marcus decided to look in our room one more time. And hey, guess what? Snakes have this super cray ability to stick to walls and stuff because it was just having a hay day right behind my rain jacket that was hanging on a nail.

So then there was a whole lot of machetes and snake blood and oh my word what is my life.

But hey, snake’s gone.  I’m alive. It’s all good.

This week has been a whole lot of a whole lot. Teaching from 8-12 every day in a language I do not speak has proven to be frustrating, exhausting, and rewarding all at the same time. I love when the students all gather around to listen to Candace and I as we read them a story in Spanish. To be honest I have no idea what we are reading or whether or not we are pronouncing a single word right, but they seem to like it a whole lot so hey, it’ll do.

But then there are moments like the one today. Candace and I were giving the students their first official test and it was over five spelling words.  I told all the kids to put their notebooks inside of their desks. They adamantly refused. I would tell them to put it in in their desks and they would just stare at me like I was insane. After enough persistence with one kid it would finally get in his or her desk, but then low and behold fifteen seconds later it would be back out again.  I kid you not, I stood there for five minutes trying to get nine little notebooks inside of the desks.

It was one of those moments when you want to run around in circles and pull all your hair out and scream super loud from the top of a mountain. Dramatic I know.

After he had had enough (and let me tell you, I had to), little Lui Miguel looked up at me with intense determination, said what I had been repeating over and over again, and deliberately set his notebook on his desk. Then he said another phrase that happens to be completely unlike anything I have ever said in my life and put his notebook inside of his desk. Oh so hey it turns out the phrase I was using to command the kids to put their notebooks inside their desks literally means, “Hey kids put your notebooks on top of your desks.” 

So then there was a whole lot of OH MY WORD I AM SO SORRY and little kids looking at me like who are you and what have you done with your brain.

And I was all like hi I’m Darian and I don’t speak Spanish. Hide me.

In other news I used a weed whacker yesterday so that’s pretty cool. I got to wear this super stylish yellow poncho thing and these fab glasses to protect me from flying grass and stuff. Also I had the wonderful audience of a bunch of older boys who know what they are doing when they use a weed whacker watching me who happens to have no idea what I am doing when I use a weed whacker.

But the grass is lower now so I think I did something right.

Today little Rodrigo saw a picture in my room of my little brother and I. He pointed to it and asked if it was a picture of me with my son.

…………

My reaction turned into about thirty minutes of Rodrigo chasing me and declaring to me that I have a million and a half children and then pointing to every picture he could possibly find in my room and declaring that all of them were my kids. Moments of laughing children and giant smiles with missing teeth and tickle fights fill me with so much joy I just can’t explain it.

Last night during study hall I was on duty, so I had to walk around and make sure the kids were studying. Not even half way through there was a magnificent rainstorm which caused the electricity and water to shut off. That’s the norm around here. So we headed home early and Dani and I tucked our little boys into bed.

And then we sang to them. In English. By candlelight.

It was as wonderful as it sounds.

We started this a while ago. We sang one song in English to the boys and it resulted in a whole lot of more teacher more and Dani and I realizing how much we miss singing in English. So now? It’s a nightly tradition.

After trying to speak and understand Spanish all day, singing words that are so meaningful and familiar is absolutely wonderful and I love it.

And so I went to bed with a full heart and these words ringing in my ears:

I believe You’re my healer. I believe You are all I need.

In the morning when I rise, give me Jesus.

You have called me higher, You have called me deeper, and I’ll go where You lead me Lord.

Far be it from me to not believe even when my eyes can’t see. And this mountain that’s in front of me will be thrown into the midst of the sea.

Through it all, through it all my eyes are on You. Through it all through it all, it is well. Through it all, through it all my eyes are on You.

It is well with me.