Where Blessings Lie

These past three weeks have been incredibly different. Going from almost fifty kids running around causing trouble and needing attention and giving so much love to four girls who are rather calm and quiet? Well. It's been quite the change. 

The days on campus have been quiet. The days have mainly consisted of sleeping in, cooking, doing random jobs around campus, going to town every now and then, and a whole lot of

Wow that's a lot of bugs. 

Andrew I swear you have Walmart in your room. 

And

I miss my boys.

As for exciting news? I got sick for a couple of days. When it first hit me I laid in my tent bed the entire day. I literally did not leave my tent except to go to the bathroom. I felt awful and it was probably one of the least exciting days of my life. But hey, life is great!

There's a rat that made its home in the kitchen. Along with all the darling adorable cute friendly sweet SO INCREDIBLY DISGUSTING OH MY WORD GET OUT cockroaches. 

We have eaten so many pancakes I think I just might become one. But sinceAndrew is sharing his American peanut butter and syrup (I told you he's Walmart) I'm sure I'll taste GREAT. 

My hair is getting longer and apparently my lice are loving it. Like they are refusing to leave. And I'm becoming less and less hospitable. 

I have a foot fungus. Cute I know. Thanks guys. 

Is it embarrassing to post that? Probably. Whoops.

Koda, our guard dog, stole my favorite blue tennis shoe this morning. Maybe he will learn his lesson when his mouth gets my foot fungus. Also I hope I find my shoe because those tennies are cute and make me feel athletic. 

Oh! Yesterday Andrew and I made a pool. Which more consisted of him pushing me in a laundry bucket full of water. But I went from ANDREW NO to oh my word this is the greatest thing ever. Like we even had the pump continuously putting in clean water so it was like a beautiful fountain and im thinking about moving in. Also I haven't seen myself through water in months. I'm really white. 

Speaking of laundry... 

Some pipe thing is having some probs down under and so our water comes out of everything trickling. Like imagine the smallest stream of water you've ever seen. Less than that. All to say, washing dishes is a process and a half. And doing laundry? If you only knew what we have gone through to fill that laundry machine with water. I'm talking carrying buckets of water that we filled up at the pump at the Frijole's house back and forth…several times. And of course most of the water just got on us. GOOD GRACIOUS. THAT WAS A PROCESS. A REALLY BIG ONE.

The other day I was eating some food that wasn't crunchy and I felt something crunchy in my mouth and was like whoa what's that? But then I decided I'd rather swallow it than know what it was.

Ultimate low. 

I found a buna in my bed the other night. Which for those of you who don't know, a buna happens to be a giant ant that bites you and causes extreme pain and sadness. Don't worry I killed the buna. Before it could kill me. Then I was terrified and couldn't fall asleep until 5:30 am. (Also due to my genious decision to drink a ton of coffee right before I went to bed. Sometimes I irritate myself.)

Every time I walk though town random men from every direction whistle at me. So that's pretty interesting. Also kind of creepy. 

Courtney and I have had a lot of bonding time and chocolate and talks and she's great and I love her. 

Dani and I bathed in the river last night. Which I have never done. And I plan on doing again. Um bathroom showers are overrated. 

Also it beat splashing a freezing bucket over myself because our shower is broken. 

So there's an update of my life. YOU ARE WELCOME. I HOPE IT WAS KIND OF INTERESTING. 

If not, sorry Charlie.  (If your name is actually Charlie the irony astounds me.)

Being here without the kids has made me realize how blessed I have been. Two of our boys, Juanca and Jose, live in town. Since we have been going there often I've been able to see them a few times and every time I do I think

How in the world did I get to spend every day with you for the past four months. I'm so lucky. 

It's so hard leaving them behind at their house. I want to take them back with me. 

The other night I walked out of the bathroom and there, in the house, stood Belsa. She just appeared out of nowhere, randomly deciding to spend the night with us. Oh my goodness my heart. I screamed and hugged her and she held onto me for ten minutes. 

I was thinking the other day about how, as a student missionary, you're asked to "give up a year of your life." You lose a year of school, a year in America, a year of normalcy. 

But my goodness I don't feel I've lost anything at all. 

I've gained so many precious stories and memories. 

I've gained friendship. 

I've gained perspective. There's a lot of people in this world and they all have wants and needs and dreams just as much as you and I.

I've received the hugs and kisses and adoration of children who I love more than I dare attempt put into words. 

I've received moments of knowing, truly, that this right here right now is exactly where I want and need to be. 

I've been able to be a mom to eight little boys who I swear are mine. Words fail. 

I've been the teacher of kids who do a whole lot better job of teaching me. 

I've had moments when I am truly so in awe of God that I can't help but cry. 

In giving up comfort, I've received the best year of my life. 

And it makes me wonder if blessings always await me in places where I give of myself and lose nothing at all.

Dani and I with our precious boys. I miss them every day.

I Ripped My Pants

November 29

So behind the Vegetables house there is a river. Back in the day when I turned 21 and Kevin and Andrew decided to be darlings and head the “let’s harass Darian” movement and pick me up, carry me (along with several amused children), and throw me into a river? Yeah. That’s the one.

Don’t worry. It’s tradition. They’re getting thrown in too.

So the other week, since school was out but the kids were still here, we spent a whole lot of time at the river.

Can I just say that those river times are now one of my very favorite memories from this adventure so far?

Nothing compares to swimming around in cool water under giant trees and having little boys say “Chase me, Teacher! Chase me!” and before I know it I am chasing little boys all over in between telling all my little ones “I love you, too” and listening to Eliseo come up to me and say my beautiful Mommy and Lechuga tell me I’m his mom for the very first time and

SO MUCH LOVE EVERYWHERE.

Anyways. One particular afternoon I was in the river. And David decided to start a game of tag with me.

So I guess you don’t know David. Basically David is fourteen but no one believes it. He must be seventeen at least. He is super strong and fast and athletic and absolutely hilarious and we all adore him so so much. And we are more than convinced they wrote the year wrong on his birth certificate.

Anyways. If there was any kid here I would play tag with knowing I was going to fail epicly (is that a word? Spellcheck hates it), it would probably be David.

But you know. When you’re floatin around in a Bolivian river and a kid decides to start a game of tag, it’s kinda like why not.

So yeah. That happened.

And if I can just brag for a moment I was honestly doing pretty well. I’m not really sure if you can win tag? Is that a thing? But I was definitely killin it.

Oh I forgot to tell you that David is also a fish. Like he can dive and stuff.

I’m just going to go ahead and let it out that diving is kind of right up there with my worst nightmares. Like hey I know I’m just gonna shove my face right in that water so hard and hope that all those little water molecules go right up my nose so that I can’t breathe and cough and experience pain for the next few minutes. That sounds fun.

I hate diving.

So David is like diving all over the place and I’m pathetically leaping and sticking out my arms which happen to be remarkably long but not as long as David’s dive.

Okay I know this sounds bad but trust me I was doing great.

Anyways so I just remember one time in particular David did one of his fish leap dive things, and I did my pathetic little jump in which I put one leg forward in the water really rapidly (okay like fast walking. Just trying to make it sound impressive) and then I sat down in the water and looked around for him. And then I noticed a whole lot of water on my legs.

Like yeah I’m in the river but it was more than usual.

I casually put my hand on my leg to see what was going down and then I was like

Oh. That’s literally my leg.

As in that’s not my pants.

My pants that were there a few minutes ago.

And that’s how I realized I ripped my pants. And by ripped my pants I mean I destroyed my pants. And by destroyed my pants I mean there was like a two foot tare where you probably don’t want a two foot tare in your pants.

I know. Embarrassing.

So then I kind of freaked out a little.

You see, the awesome thing about so many little boys in the water is that they all want to play. The not so awesome thing is that sometimes playing means grabbing you and pulling you out of the water and throwing you back in.

And I was not in the condition to be pulled out of the water.

Like um hi guys.

Yeah. Not happening.

So I kind of secretly made my way to the not so kidded area of the river. But honestly it probably wasn’t very secretive because one thing I’ve learned about myself in this “get to know yourself better” adventure is that my face says a lot. So even though I was trying to play it cool and be like oh you know just making my way over somewhere new, my face probably said

OH MY GOODNESS GET ME AWAY FROM THE CHILDREN NOW. I NEED TO BE HIDDEN. OH GRACIOUS EVERYONE IS STARING AT ME. I AM MORTIFIED. THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING OH MY WORD. EVERYONE KNOWS I RIPPED MY PANTS.

So yeah, once I not so casually made my way over to a little clear spot, I was like hey Dani come over here now. We need to talk.

And so she came over after finally tearing herself away from all the little children attacking her with hugs and kisses and I was all like

So yeah I kind of ripped my pants a lot. Can you please go get me some new ones?

And she was an angel and did. But beforehand we decided I kind of needed a body guard as these kids kind of never leave you alone. And hey who better to do that than the strong fish David? So Dani was all like Hey David, Darian ripped her pants. Can you make sure no kids mess with her?

David laughed at me of course and then sat down next to me. And then we just sat there. I felt a little strange and also very thankful for the first time that the river water is so very dirty. Eventually Alan came over. He put his arm around me and we were talking and I looked over at him and said I ripped my pants so that was awkward. But some things just need to be said.

A few minutes later Dani came back with Candace’s shorts (thanks darlins). So yeah. Now I’m in the river with like twenty boys and I need to change my pants.

So I’m like right here? Right now? Is this real?

And then I kind of really awkwardly took my pants off. It was a process as I was trying to be nonchalant. Which, lets be real, is kind of impossible when you’re taking your pants off. Then I put the not ripped shorts on.

So all of a sudden all these little boys looked over and were like

Dude. Teacher Darian is holding her pants. Teacher Darian doesn’t have pants on.

So that was kind of mortifying. I considered standing up and showing everyone that yes, in fact, I did have pants on. But then I thought of the initial moment when they thought I would be standing up without pants on and decided I’d rather not.

But eventually we moved on. Kind of. I was laughed at for the rest of my time in the river. Also Juanca tied part of my ripped pants around his ankle so that was weird. But honestly they were super cute and had a great design so hey, props Juanca. Glad you got some good use out of the fabric that made it through.

Anyways, that kind of turned into a long story. But basically I ripped my pants the other day in the river and I really liked those pants. But I also got to play with the kids and I happen to like the kids more than I liked my pants. In fact, I like them more than anything I own, which is why giving up all the comforts of America to be with them was more than worth it.

Goodness, I’d give comfort up over and over again to never lose the joy I’ve found.

Jahel jumping in.

Same, Mommy

November 23

This campus feels so empty.

I feel so empty.

I went from living with eight little boys who needed to be told brush your teeth and shower without pants and wash your clothes and take smaller bites and knock before you come into my room and please don’t tattle about everything to just taking care of myself. Which happens to be a lot less entertaining as I’m pretty good about showering without pants and I’ve eaten enough to have an idea of how much food to put on my spoon.

Last night was the first night in months that I went to bed without any little boy hugs or kisses. Or goodnight I love you.

Or please Hugo. Once again, go to the bathroom before we have worship.

And tonight I walked into the boys’ room to turn on the light to the bathroom (the lights are connected) and Wilfredo’s shoes were on the floor. Go figure.

Only that boy could still manage to get his shoes on the floor in the middle of the room. Without even being here.

I wanted more than anything to call his name and hear Si Teacher? and see him run into the room with his handsome new haircut that makes him look so much older and ask him why are your shoes here and watch that adorable, sly smile cross his face as he runs over to, for the third time that day, put away his shoes.

 But instead I walked out of the empty room, wondering how he’s doing.

There are two brothers here, Juan Carlos (we call him Juanca) and Jose Carlos. They are precious.

Juanca and I have been pretty close all year. In the first couple weeks we were here, he was constantly asking me for a piece of the gum I brought from home. I told him that if he memorized a verse in English and told it to me, I’d give him a piece. That little boy worked on Philippians 4:13 nonstop until he was in my room quoting it to me and cheerfully walked away with my gum.

He even started calling me mom pretty early in the schoolyear. He came over to our house all the time. Almost every morning after breakfast I would feel two hands covering my eyes. I know it’s you, Juanca. He’d laugh and give me a giant hug.

This boy had my heart from the beginning.

His brother, Jose, stands out with his sweet smile and constant willingness to help. I didn’t really have much interaction with him until recently. Just the other day he asked me to sit by him for a meal and I ate with him for the first time. I got up to talk to Hugo and when I sat back down and took a bite of my pizza I realized he had poured salt, quite generously, all over it. He thought it was the funniest thing in the world. I thus started calling him “meanie-pantalones,” as I don’t know the word for meanie in Spanish but I do happen to know the word for pants. And so yeah. We’ve bonded.

Anyways. These two boys are going through some stuff with their father which made it appear that they would be staying on campus with us all of summer break. I was so excited to have them here as there were currently only two other kids staying.

I was especially excited as Jose and I were just starting to get closer and Juanca had stolen me from the start, so I just knew that it would be so wonderful and fun to have them around.

I just love them so much.

Today I was in the kitchen cooking supper and saw Juanca running by. Juanca! I shouted as I hadn’t seen him all day and wanted him to come say hi. He did his little laugh and kept running. Typical. I walked outside, planning to chase him down, and saw him giving a hug to Dagner.

I looked at him strangely.

I’m leaving, he said.

No.

Yes!

Where?

To my house.

Are you serious?

Yes!

How?

With my dad.

I couldn’t believe it. For months I had planned on him staying with us all summer.

I walked back into the kitchen and looked out the doors of the Big House to see his brother, Jose, walking out of his house with his all his stuff.

My heart sank. They really were leaving.

Dani and I gave instructions to the girls about how to finish up supper and headed outside. Miguel had just come back with the truck and was getting ready to take the boys into town to meet their dad.

We walked over together. Jose was in Miguel’s house and when he came out his eyes were filled with tears.

I gave him a hug.

Jose I love you so much.

Me too, Teacher.

And then my eyes flooded with tears. I wasn’t expecting to have to say goodbye to them. Not for five months. I was in no way prepared.

Juanca was sitting in the truck. He saw me crying and immediately made his way over to me, that sweet smile on his face.

I wrapped my arms around him and, tears streaming down my face, said

 I love you so much.

He looked up at me, those big brown eyes under that spiked up hair. And said, so very sincerely

Same, Mommy.

I could not let that kid go.

…

But of course I did. A few minutes later when Miguel drove them away, Juanca looked at me and yelled out the truck, Crybaby!

His very last words. So. Juanca.

And this is one goodbye out of oh so many. Far too many. But it was different because in that moment, when Juanca looked up at me and called me Mommy, I thought of all the memories I have with this kid.

Listening to him tell me Philippians 4:13 in English, all for a piece of gum.

The day I was so exhausted after teaching and was cleaning up the classroom and he just walked in the room, looked at me, and said Mother.

The times he got down on one knee and proposed to me.

All the times at meals when he would come over and wait around, hoping one of my boys wouldn’t be able to finish his food.

The time he secretly took my pack of gum from my room and ran in the next morning, desperate to tell me that his friends so wrongly stole my gum from under his bed. And we had a talk about what the actual problem was with that situation.

Having him come to the house and help get all my boys showered. Watching him be such a leader.

The millions of times he patted my stomach and said How’s the baby? I haven’t gained that much weight I promise.

And telling him goodbye. Having him look up into my eyes and call me his mom. And thinking

My word Juanca. I’m so proud to call you my son.

Juanca and I outside my house.