Twenty-one

September 26

So it’s my birthday. I am officially twenty-one. My goodness. That’s interesting.

I’m pretty sure if you stuck a pacifier in my mouth and handed me a doll I’d say I’ve been wondering where those have been!

Jokes. But for real. Since when am I not seven?

Every year for my birthday I am home. And every year my mom makes me lasagna and garlic bread. It is my favorite meal in the world. 

But this year? Well, I wasn’t going to be home for my birthday. For the very first time. Which saddened my heart, along with the fact I sure wasn’t planning on eating lasagna in the jungle.

You know when people go completely out of their way for you? Like they put a whole lot of effort into helping you have an extra good day? Well, that’s what the staff here did for me today.

Basically I was in the kitchen when Karol walked in and told me I needed to help her check on something in the oven outside. She had a huge smile on her face so I knew something was up. I walked outside with her, asking why she was laughing and what was going on. Not being able to keep it a secret, she said, “There is a surprise for you.” 

So I stood outside waiting. With great anticipation. After a couple minutes she walked me inside the big house.

All the kids broke out into singing Happy Birthday to me in Spanish.

And in walk Dani and Andrew and Kevin and Miguel. With lasagna. And garlic bread. And brownies.

And a candle.

And then all the staff sang me Happy Birthday in English.

And oh my goodness. I know they spent hours on making me that meal. Hours. In fact, I found out later that Miguel went on a wild search to find those lasagna noodles. And also it was made with real cheese, like real yummy cheese, that isn’t easy to find around here.

So much planning and cooking went into that meal so that now? I have had lasagna for my birthday every year, this year included.

And Candace? She gave me a brand new body spray that she had brought from America. Oh my word. I have body spray. I might actually smell good.

So basically it was an incredible day and I feel so blessed.

So to everyone who went out of their way to make it so special? Thank you thank you thank you.

But I’m not sure if I’ll thank the people who threw me into the river tonight and then put flour and eggs in my hair.

…

So in honor of turning twenty-one?

Here are my twenty-one favorite things about life in the jungle so far:

1.) The fact that every day holds the opportunity for so much adventure. Hopping in the truck to go to a stranger’s house and pick some oranges for supper, hopping out of bed to “help” Dani kill a tarantula, throwing together a gymnastics routine to perform for livestream Bolivia news. I love that I never know what a day holds.

2.) Cold showers. Yeah wow I’m weird. But for real, I feel so good afterward. Just not so much during.

3.) Saying goodnight to my boys. There’s nothing like getting sent to bed with eight little hugs and kisses and “Goodnight, I love you.”

4.) Cooking over an open fire. Not only am I convinced it makes the food taste better, but also it makes me feel like I could survive in a teepee.

5.) Not having a ton of stuff. I use everything I brought, and it’s nice not to have a ton of stuff that I really have no need for. You should try it!

6.) Blogging! For real though. It’s supa fun. And if you’re reading this, that means a whole lot! I appreciate YOU!

7.) Oh my goodness. The rainstorms. Especially at night. I. Love. Rain. And here? It pours. I’m so excited for rainy season.

8.) Cold mornings. I know they’re almost over. But it has been so exciting to be able to put my hoodie on in the morning and actually feel cold.

9.) The staff here. What an incredible group of people. And my goodness. We have so much fun. I wouldn’t want to be stuck in the jungle with anyone else.

10.) The kids. Obviously. For every reason. My boys. Oh I love my little boys.

11.) Being able to put on whatever I want and have it be socially acceptable. I feel like being a student missionary automatically gives me a sign on my forehead that says I wear what I want you can’t judge me. LOVIN’ IT.

12.) Those moments when my kids get what I’m teaching them. They throw their little hands in the air and say, “Oh!” and their eyes light up and my heart bursts.

13.) Late night talks with Dani. They have the potential to be incredibly deep or utterly ridiculous. And I love them all.

14.) Tea time with Candace. I love walking over to her little room to make tea. And chat. And laugh. 

15.) Feeling such a true sense of purpose every day. I know why I am here.

16.) Being surrounded by loving children everywhere I go. Goodness. What will I ever do without constant hugs and little hands in mine and “Oh, but Teacher!”

17.) Those moments when I have a full conversation with a kid in Spanish. Or when I understand Spanish without mentally translating everything. Or when I say a sentence and know it was correct and have a little party in my head.

18.) Sundays. Oh my word. Nothing beats a day to talk with my family and friends back home. It’s a taste of heaven.

19.) Friday and Saturday nights when we all get in a circle, wish each other Happy Sabbath or a happy week, and then go around and hug every single person. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of that.

20.) Just knowing that so many have been a student missionary before me, and will be after me, and that there are so many others out there right now. It’s so exciting to be a part of something so much bigger than myself.

21.) Seeing a bigger picture of humanity. Another part of the world. Another way of life. And knowing that God created and loves all people everywhere. It puts my little life into perspective.

And the list could go on and on. Because pretty much I have so much to be thankful for. 

Including all my friends and family back home.

Who I miss dearly.

And so? Cheers to a new year of life. And cheers to being in the jungle with people who go out of their way to make what could be a hard day incredibly special. And cheers to this past year, which has been wonderful in so many ways, and a new one ahead that I suspect will be even better.

Here

(September 17)

A lot of things make this “student missionary experience” different from my normal life.

I cook over an open fire, I share a house with cockroaches and tarantulas, I take cold showers, I’m surrounded by a new language and a new culture, it’s a thousand degrees and there’s no air conditioning, I’m the teacher instead of the student, and so on and so on.

As I prepared to be a student missionary, this is a lot of what I thought about:

How will I communicate when I can’t speak Spanish?

How will I go a year without Taco Bell or sushi at the VM?

How will I endure the snakes and the spiders and the giant flying creepy moth things when I’m terrified of bees?

Granted those things are all new and unusual and have taken getting used to but my goodness let me tell you something:

They are the most minor, unimportant matters when it comes to the kids.

Today Candace and I were watching some of the kids unload coconuts from the truck. Some of them took a trip to pick up a ton of coconuts and plantain trees that we are planting here. Speaking of, in order to make that possible we have been clearing the jungle this week. Like I’m not kidding. We straight up went through the jungle with machetes and hacked the trees down. And besides the fact one landed on my head today, it was fabulous fun.

Anyways, we were watching these big boys throw coconuts together in a line in order to get them from the truck to the big house. We were specifically watching Omar, who just turned 18 and happens to be an angel. We were talking about how sweet he is and how much we adore him when out of nowhere Candace said

“I would give my arm to that kid in a second if he needed it.”

Now I know that’s random and all and to be honest I was a bit taken off guard but in all reality that’s just the way it is. These kids are so precious and sweet and lovable that they just make you think my goodness let me know if you ever need an arm.

And I realize I’ve always loved kids and so I could probably think that wherever I went but

This is where I am and these are the kids I love.

I know that if I went anywhere in the world there would be incredible experiences to be had and beautiful kids to love.

But thank the Lord that I ended up here.

Thank the Lord that at the end of every day it’s Hugo, Fermin, Wilfredo, Gabriel, Ronald, Henry, Luis Migel, and Rodrigo I get to hug and kiss goodnight.

Thank the Lord that those are my boys.

And thank the Lord for all the other kids here who I get to teach and hug and play with every single day.

This week being here has started to feel like home. Life is becoming every day normal.

And along with that my boys have started to truly become my boys.

I am their mother.

And the reality is I’m heading home eventually so I won’t be able to be with them forever but

right here, right now, they are mine. And I am here to pour every part of myself into loving them and teaching them and raising them.

Which isn't easy. Nothing has made me appreciate my parents more than being a parent. (Thanks Mom and Dad. You da best.)

But it is so worth it.

I cannot tell you how many bandaids I’ve put on little wounds and whose clothes are these on the floor and did you shower without pants and with soap?

The other day I sent Wilfredo and Luis Migel outside to wash their clothes and the next time I saw them  I discovered they had filled the sinks up with water and were having a swim party. Who even knows if the clothes ever got washed.

(To be honest I just wanted to jump in there with them because the sun was having a hay day.)

Fermin has been struggling in class. He’s incredibly bright but it takes him a long time to write words and he gives up easily. I often feel like I spend a majority of the school day getting on to him.

So tonight when I tucked him in I looked at him and said, “You are my very good boy. And you are very smart.” (Low Spanish vocab, peeps.) He looked up at me and said, “No. No. No.” And I said, “Yes. Yes. Yes.” And he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me so tight

and I just laid there, my little Fermin holding me and thinking

of all the places I could be right now, Thank God I am here.

I am just so thankful that I get to have this experience, that I get to be here and love these kids. And I hope to think this for the rest of my life. I hope to always be able to look around at the place I'm at and the people I'm with and think

of all the places I could be right now

thank the Lord I am

here.

The Place to Be

So I’m thinking I’ll update you on some life happenins in this blog, as life has really been happenin over here.

I stayed at the orphanage this past Sunday. We get to go to town three out of every four Sundays. On the Sunday we stay, we hang out in the big house to help cook, watch the kids, and such. Whelp, this Sunday when I stayed just so happened to be the day that all the boys needed haircuts.

Yeah. I cut their hair.

So before I go on let me tell you how much experience I have cutting hair:

None.

The first lucky candidate just happened to be the boy I have talked to the least here. His name is Adrian and he also just so happened to really not want a haircut. And to top it off, he really didn’t want the haircut my beautiful inexperience gave him.  So yeah. Basically he ended up crying in the corner and refusing to leave the room as he didn’t want his friends to see his hair.

I don’t know who was more embarrassed, him or me.

Then after that I cut all my boys’ hair, other than Hugo as Jonathan cut his. Honestly I’d say I did pretty well. I guess it’s mainly because each of them are the cutest little human beings on the planet, so they would look adorable straight up bald or with a sprout of hair shooting off from the side of their head. But none the less I’m pretty sure I kind of sort of maybe got half of the hang of it and some of their hair is actually cut evenly.

Definitely not Gabriel’s.

The last haircut I gave was to Dagner. Oh my goodness. When I came in March, I fell in love with this little boy. He is so incredibly cute and little and snuggly and adorable and just sweet in every sense of the word. He didn’t really want a haircut, but Miguel asked him if he’d rather him cut his hair (and said it would be incredibly short) and so he said me. So I went to it.

Folks, let me give you a tip. When you’re cutting a nervous little boy’s hair and you realize you severely messed up by noticing he practically has a bald spot on the top of his head, don’t freak out.

So yeah I freaked out and then Dagner freaked out and was like “Teacher you broke my hair.”

Then I refused to do anything more, as the idea of giving him one bald spot somehow seemed a bit better than two. Also I was in despair. So Miguel gave it a try but honestly I had cut him to the point of hopelessness. So then I tried to make it a little better but yeah that didn’t work out.

So then this little boy just starts crying. A lot. And then all his friends start coming in and laughing at his hair. And to top it off, his older brother comes in who is the definition of calm and collected and said, “Who ruined my brother’s hair!!!” Without calmness or collection.

So yeah. That was kind of embarrassing. Luckily his brother savaged the remains. Dagner is still cute everyone stop freaking out.

Anyways, I was thoroughly convinced this little boy hated me. Which pretty much broke my heart in two as he has just started calling me mommy but then his mommy went and chopped all his hair off.

So Monday morning he was sitting at our table hugging Dani and I told Dani to ask him if he was mad at me. She did, and this precious little boy said, “No!” with such genuine concern that my word I truly believed he had forgiven me for causing such trauma. And then he walked over to me, gave me a giant hug and said, “I love you, Mommy.”

Anyways. All that to say I should never go into cosmetology. And also I live with incredible kids who have the most beautiful hearts and I am in awe of them every day.

In other news, Kevin, Ashley, and Miguel came back from Santa Cruz with gifts. I sent Kevin with a shopping list. There happens to be an American Walmart Wonderland in the mall in that city, and I was craving some foods.

Basically my list consisted of French Vanilla cappuccino mix and Cookies and Cream Hershey bars and salty chips and sweet tarts and my word if you somehow happen to see them goldfish.

Healthy, I know.

So of course I knew Kevin wasn’t going to find goldfish. Because that’s just not a thing here.

But guys guess what. It’s a thing here. Kevin found goldfish. And he bought me a lot of goldfish.

I’m talking a lot of goldfish.

The heavens opened.

So throughout this week Dani and I may or may not have had a lot of moments where we just sat together in our room and ate America.

So that has been incredibly fun and I need to go running.

In other news, I guess everyone should know that Andrew and I took a trip to the bridge on the motorcycle because I needed to get service and then I drove the motorcycle back.

Like I straight up steered the thing.

So if I come back decked out in leather and a bandana and long, tangled, winded hair don’t freak out.

Actually freak out because that would be weird.

Oh, Tuesday Candace and I were going to help machete in the banana fields during work. We had to stop by my house first because she needed boots and I needed my hat to shield me from the great big sun.

So yeah, we got what we needed and then headed out to find everyone.

We saw Jancy walking into the jungle so we just followed his path. But then we lost Jancy. So we started screaming for people who we knew were out there and no one heard. So then we started trying different paths.

And basically we were just wandering around in the jungle for a very long time. Like I’m talking Candace started yelling “SOS” which wasn’t necessary but it really added to the experience.

It was almost like we were lost in the banana fields, minus the fact we weren’t really lost at all. Also turns out we weren't even in the banana fields.

So that was slightly adventurous. Also we never found them and I have learned that my since of direction doesn’t improve in different countries.

Shocking I know.

I guess I should add to this list of randomness that it’s starting to get really hot here. Basically the sun really makes itself at home in this little part of the earth. And I’m thankful for all it does and stuff but sometimes I’d like to tell it to take a little vacation. But obviously that would be bad so I shall try my best to appreciate it. But the struggle is real.

Anyways. Those are some happenings in the jungle. And I realize it is pretty random and unexpected but pretty much a lot of stuff here is random and unexpected. Like finding cockroaches. Or experiencing a thirty second downpour of rain. And then the sun comes back. Or having Jancy surprise you with a coconut chocolate drink while you’re teaching.

I’m telling you, folks. This is the place to be.

My Favorite Day

September 12

Today was my favorite day.

I spent the entire day holding little hands and receiving little kisses and thinking

It doesn’t get any better than this.

It doesn’t get any better than this.

So many times I have thought to myself wow. Now I really love these kids. And then a couple weeks later I think no now I really love these kids.

But today?

I really love these kids.

It’s funny to me how wherever you go people are people. We all have struggles and memories and childhoods and quirks and personalities and pain and laughter and a life.

Whenever I was home in America going to school or working at camp or hanging out with friends these kids were here. Living just as much as I was.

And I just think of how

we lived completely separate and different lives in such very different places and

I am so incredibly blessed to somehow know you. To have somehow ended up here.

Getting here was a process and a half and a whole lot of questioning and wondering if this was what I should do or wanted to do or if it was safe or okay or smart

and I spent so much time worrying and wondering and questioning

and asking for advice and praying

but after it all I ended up here

with these kids

and so many times I look around at the little smiles or up at the infinite stars or down at the hands in mine

and I know this is where I need to be.

I know it was worth every tear cried and dollar raised and moment of wondering

is this right? Is this really what I should do?

Little Dagner was never much of a hugger. He is just the cutest thing and I could just hug him forever but I seem to like it a whole lot more than he does. But the last few days? He doesn’t pass without a hug and he won’t let go until he looks up at me and says, “I love you, Teacher.”

Armando just recently reluctantly lets me hug him. But tonight? I sat next to him at Vespers and I put my arm through his and he just sat there with me the whole time and wow I adore him.

Today was cold. I’m talking the kids wore sweaters and hats and I wore my fuzzy socks and you could look outside to see the older boys walking with their shoulders up high and hands in their pockets and at night you could see your breath in the air.

It was a taste of fall and winter. Those seasons I’ll miss.

It resulted in constant hugs all day and a perfect excuse to snuggle with all these little kids.

There were a few hours today when nothing was going on, so I sat outside my house with Karol, Kevin, and Dani and my little boys went back and forth between sitting with us and playing in the dirt. Some of the boys from the Frijoles house came over, too. It was such a fun afternoon.

And then tonight we had a bonfire and popcorn and hot chocolate and sang songs.

Ah. Perfection.

Two months ago I was a college student with a degree to get.

Now I’m a mother to eight boys and a teacher to forty-seven.

And I hope to never go back to who I was.

I hope to never forget what it’s like to stand in a circle of people swinging up our arms proclaiming “Happy Week!” over and over again.

I hope to never forget what it’s like to sit outside my little thatch-roofed house watching my boys crack open fruit with a rock, and then run over to give me a million kisses.

I hope to never forget what it’s like to run see little Maribel running around from kid to kid, each one accepting her with open arms.

I hope to never forget what it’s like to watch Luis Migel on the swing Andrew made, sitting like an old man and making airplane noises while I laugh hysterically and take a video.

I hope to never forget what it’s like to sit under the stars on a cold night at a bonfire, Rodrigo in my lap and Ronald sitting next to me, singing

I believe You’re my Healer.

I believe You are all I need.

I hope to never forget today.

What is Life

(September 5)

So whenever I need to have a moment I lay in my tent bed.

I have a lot of moments.

Like when I’m finished teaching for the day. Or when I feel like I might actually be slightly clean. Or when there are giant moths fluttering around my room and I just can’t.

Anyways the other night the boys were in bed and it was dark in the house and I was tired and so I just layed down in my tent and was having a moment.

And in walks Dani, announcing that there’s a giant tarantula a couple feet away from Rodrigo’s head, creeping around on the ceiling. And we should probably do something about it.

Just so you know this was now the fourth tarantula we found in our house this week. So it was kind of old news but the fact it was chilling above little Rodrigo’s head was slightly alarming.

So we both headed out of the room, ready to save the day. Or night.

It just so happens that there is a giant hole in the bricks right above Rodrigo’s head where he sleeps every night. Which leads straight outside. So when we went to check out this tarantula we also discovered a lovely bees nest and a grasshopper that was so big it took us a while to realize it was a grasshopper.

And as for the tarantula, if you want to have an idea of how big it is just picture the biggest tarantula you have ever seen. This was its grandfather.

So now Dani and I are standing in this room with eight little boys as everyone has gotten out of bed to see the action. Mind you this room doesn’t have a working light.

So we are all like do we kill this tarantula or do we just boot it out that hole in the wall? Also if we don’t kill this tarantula will it kill us?

Once we asked that question we decided we needed to kill the tarantula.

Now as fun as it is to chase tarantulas around in a dark room, we figured that wasn’t the best place to kill it. Which is how we came up with the plan of catching the tarantula and then killing it outside.

But we don’t happen to have a “tarantula killing kit,” so it was difficult to figure out how we were going to catch this thing. Which is how we ended up with a cleaning bucket and a broom.

If you are reading this I don’t know how well you happen to know Dani or me for that matter. So let me just give you some background.

Dani’s the one wearing the headlamp and holding the broom and watching the tarantula as she’s about ready to conquer it fearlessly.

I’m the girl in the corner saying, “Go Dani!” and periodically screaming.

Dani kills things. I give moral support.

Anyways, so I put the bucket up on the top of Rodrigo’s bed, being careful not to disturb the world’s biggest grasshopper.

Then I backed away and shone a flashlight up on the ceiling. But then we realized that if the tarantula did somehow miraculously end up in the bucket, we should probably cover the bucket. Which is why I ran out of the room to grab a plastic bag. But by the time I got back the tarantula was making a run for crack in the ceiling leading outside.

So then we are all like oh my word what do we do.

And then I was all like, “Boot it outside! Hard!”

So then here comes Dani with her headlight and broom and she shoved that thing with the force of a hurricane.

Sweet victory.

Then she looks at me and is all like, “Run outside! Let’s get it!”

So basically I was unaware of the fact that we were going to go conquer this tarantula outside in the dark. I’m wearing this sundress thing that works rather well as pajamas and socks and flipflops.

Moral support.

So out Dani and I go, in the midst of telling all our wide-eyed boys that no they can’t come with us they need to stay inside.

We walked around the corner of the house, looking out for creepy animals and stuff (like for real). We got to the place where the tarantula should be. And what do you know, no tarantula.

The lucky thing is we were on the side of the house where there is sidewalk.

Now to all of you who have common sense, when there is a missing tarantula and you can stand on the sidewalk or walk in the grass which is full of leaves and twigs and a million and a half things the tarantula can hide under, what would you walk on?

The sidewalk.

Apparently I don’t have common sense.

So yeah, I ventured out into the grass trying to find the missing tarantula.

It was gone. Like I was looking all over the wall and the ground and literally there was no tarantula.

And then I hear it. What no one wants to hear when they’re standing in the middle of a million and a half things a tarantula can hide under while looking for a missing tarantula.

“Darian. Darian. Darian.”

Dani was saying my name in such a way that I knew.

So then chaos broke loose. I started jumping around and flailing my arms and probably being a little extreme but oh my goodness there is a tarantula either on me or about to be on me and I am in the middle of the jungle and it is dark and I am terrified and I AM GOING TO DIE.

So that went on for a little bit. I was desperately trying to keep both feet off the ground at the same time (which is honestly pretty difficult) and simultaneously fling whatever might be on me off.

Eventually I somehow flung myself to the sidewalk.

And there’s Dani, looking at me, half-horrified and half dying of laughter. Which is when she proceeded to tell me that she had the thought process of:

Where did I fling the tarantula?

Oh it probably landed right there.

Oh Darian’s standing right there.

Oh, there’s the tarantula, about to climb onto Darian’s foot.

Darian. Darian. Darian.

So yeah, Dani saved my life.

And then we both doubled over and laughed hysterically and then booked it into the house as, well, we still hadn’t killed the tarantula.

Then Dani booted out the grasshopper and the boys went to sleep.

And I’d like to say we did too but honestly we were up until one a.m. because we were rather insane.

But I’m not complaining. I remember when I used to crawl into a warm comfortable bed and gracious there are times I wish I could do that. But I’m starting to really like walking into our little room full of mysterious creatures with Dani, both of us laughing hysterically and declaring, “what is life” over and over again.

Because seriously.

What is life.