The Same Arms

I have a whole lot of stuff to do. I’m currently sitting on my bed with my adorable new kitten, not doing it. But hey, I won’t be able to procrastinate in my house for a year, so I’m going to enjoy every last minute of it.

This past month has flown by. I spent it working at Camp Nosoca; it was my very first summer camp experience and it did not disappoint.

Slip ‘n slides, root beer floats, singing in the chapel late into the night, bonfires and smores, pool parties, worship around the lake, dropping lunch to belt out the theme song in the cafeteria, little children holding my hand and telling me I remind them of their mom, belaying children on the rock wall hour after hour, sitting on my bed with my cabin late into the night talking about God.

Staying up late in the cafeteria with my friends, laughing with each other and talking about everything under the sun.

Sneaking into the kitchen to grab just one more cup of sweet tea.

Getting up an hour early to go tubing on the lake when the sun has barely risen.

I spent a month living in a cabin in the woods, hanging out with precious children and seeing glimpses of God everywhere I looked.

And now I’m home. I’m home with my family and I’m trying to enjoy every last minute with them before my plane takes off.

Even though I have no idea when my plane takes off. We can’t buy the tickets until our visas come in, which they haven’t yet. So….cheers to the unexpected.

This past week I felt overwhelmed. No matter how many shopping trips I took, I somehow still had so much to buy and I needed to write a million thank you notes and, well, I had to go to the doctor yet again. Also my room looked like a hurricane paid a lengthy visit.

I was in this funk and I just couldn’t seem to get out of it. I felt frustrated and anxious and, well, more worried than excited about this next year of my life.

But, looking back, I just assume it is totally normal to second guess yourself when you are about to say goodbye to life as you know it and board a plane to a random jungle to teach in a language you can’t speak for a year.

On Sunday, when I left camp, I had to say the much dreaded goodbye to my friends. I have moved several times, but it didn’t quite compare. This time I am not just going to a new state, but what seems like an entirely new world far away from my friends, and they’ll keep living their lives right here, far away from me. 

Needless to say, I spent the majority of the day crying.

But Sunday made me recognize more than ever that I have the most caring, sincere, genuine friends in the world.  I spent the entire day looking around me thinking oh my goodness I love you so much and I’m so thankful I get to live my life knowing you and depending on you and laughing with you and how am I going to go a year without you?

I’m experiencing what people mean when they say you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

I just cannot put into words how much my friends mean to me. I cannot imagine what life would be without them. The same people that can make me laugh until I can't breathe are the ones to pick me up and brush me off when life knocks me down. They're the ones who put up with my stories that I, somehow, always find a way to tell them more than one time. And? Well they aren't usually worth repeating. My friends mean the world to me and I love them.

So even though the goodbyes were hard? It left me incredibly thankful for the people in my life. I have people who support me in my every adventure. I have people who know me well and love me anyway.

It left me amazed and thankful for the beautiful people I know. 

It left me comforted by the reality that even though leaving Bolivia will be hard, I have a wonderful life to come back to.

And so today, as I feel overwhelmed with all I have to do, I’ll take a step back and look at life from a bit better perspective.

I am so thankful that even though choosing to take this year off school has been an incredibly hard and stressful decision, I have friends and family who support me in it.

I am so thankful that even though I had a huge amount of money to raise and it seemed impossible, I have such generous people in my life that, wait for it... I have raised it! (AAHH!!!)

I am so thankful that, even though it’s stressful not to know when I’m leaving, it means I have a few more days at home with the people who mean most to me. The hardest goodbye is yet to come.

I am so thankful that I got to take a month out of my busy summer full of shopping and packing and fundraising to walk dirt roads and sleep under the starry sky, getting to know little campers who touched my life.

And I am so thankful that the same arms it breaks my heart to say goodbye to will be the ones to welcome me home.