Here

(September 17)

A lot of things make this “student missionary experience” different from my normal life.

I cook over an open fire, I share a house with cockroaches and tarantulas, I take cold showers, I’m surrounded by a new language and a new culture, it’s a thousand degrees and there’s no air conditioning, I’m the teacher instead of the student, and so on and so on.

As I prepared to be a student missionary, this is a lot of what I thought about:

How will I communicate when I can’t speak Spanish?

How will I go a year without Taco Bell or sushi at the VM?

How will I endure the snakes and the spiders and the giant flying creepy moth things when I’m terrified of bees?

Granted those things are all new and unusual and have taken getting used to but my goodness let me tell you something:

They are the most minor, unimportant matters when it comes to the kids.

Today Candace and I were watching some of the kids unload coconuts from the truck. Some of them took a trip to pick up a ton of coconuts and plantain trees that we are planting here. Speaking of, in order to make that possible we have been clearing the jungle this week. Like I’m not kidding. We straight up went through the jungle with machetes and hacked the trees down. And besides the fact one landed on my head today, it was fabulous fun.

Anyways, we were watching these big boys throw coconuts together in a line in order to get them from the truck to the big house. We were specifically watching Omar, who just turned 18 and happens to be an angel. We were talking about how sweet he is and how much we adore him when out of nowhere Candace said

“I would give my arm to that kid in a second if he needed it.”

Now I know that’s random and all and to be honest I was a bit taken off guard but in all reality that’s just the way it is. These kids are so precious and sweet and lovable that they just make you think my goodness let me know if you ever need an arm.

And I realize I’ve always loved kids and so I could probably think that wherever I went but

This is where I am and these are the kids I love.

I know that if I went anywhere in the world there would be incredible experiences to be had and beautiful kids to love.

But thank the Lord that I ended up here.

Thank the Lord that at the end of every day it’s Hugo, Fermin, Wilfredo, Gabriel, Ronald, Henry, Luis Migel, and Rodrigo I get to hug and kiss goodnight.

Thank the Lord that those are my boys.

And thank the Lord for all the other kids here who I get to teach and hug and play with every single day.

This week being here has started to feel like home. Life is becoming every day normal.

And along with that my boys have started to truly become my boys.

I am their mother.

And the reality is I’m heading home eventually so I won’t be able to be with them forever but

right here, right now, they are mine. And I am here to pour every part of myself into loving them and teaching them and raising them.

Which isn't easy. Nothing has made me appreciate my parents more than being a parent. (Thanks Mom and Dad. You da best.)

But it is so worth it.

I cannot tell you how many bandaids I’ve put on little wounds and whose clothes are these on the floor and did you shower without pants and with soap?

The other day I sent Wilfredo and Luis Migel outside to wash their clothes and the next time I saw them  I discovered they had filled the sinks up with water and were having a swim party. Who even knows if the clothes ever got washed.

(To be honest I just wanted to jump in there with them because the sun was having a hay day.)

Fermin has been struggling in class. He’s incredibly bright but it takes him a long time to write words and he gives up easily. I often feel like I spend a majority of the school day getting on to him.

So tonight when I tucked him in I looked at him and said, “You are my very good boy. And you are very smart.” (Low Spanish vocab, peeps.) He looked up at me and said, “No. No. No.” And I said, “Yes. Yes. Yes.” And he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me so tight

and I just laid there, my little Fermin holding me and thinking

of all the places I could be right now, Thank God I am here.

I am just so thankful that I get to have this experience, that I get to be here and love these kids. And I hope to think this for the rest of my life. I hope to always be able to look around at the place I'm at and the people I'm with and think

of all the places I could be right now

thank the Lord I am

here.