What is Life

(September 5)

So whenever I need to have a moment I lay in my tent bed.

I have a lot of moments.

Like when I’m finished teaching for the day. Or when I feel like I might actually be slightly clean. Or when there are giant moths fluttering around my room and I just can’t.

Anyways the other night the boys were in bed and it was dark in the house and I was tired and so I just layed down in my tent and was having a moment.

And in walks Dani, announcing that there’s a giant tarantula a couple feet away from Rodrigo’s head, creeping around on the ceiling. And we should probably do something about it.

Just so you know this was now the fourth tarantula we found in our house this week. So it was kind of old news but the fact it was chilling above little Rodrigo’s head was slightly alarming.

So we both headed out of the room, ready to save the day. Or night.

It just so happens that there is a giant hole in the bricks right above Rodrigo’s head where he sleeps every night. Which leads straight outside. So when we went to check out this tarantula we also discovered a lovely bees nest and a grasshopper that was so big it took us a while to realize it was a grasshopper.

And as for the tarantula, if you want to have an idea of how big it is just picture the biggest tarantula you have ever seen. This was its grandfather.

So now Dani and I are standing in this room with eight little boys as everyone has gotten out of bed to see the action. Mind you this room doesn’t have a working light.

So we are all like do we kill this tarantula or do we just boot it out that hole in the wall? Also if we don’t kill this tarantula will it kill us?

Once we asked that question we decided we needed to kill the tarantula.

Now as fun as it is to chase tarantulas around in a dark room, we figured that wasn’t the best place to kill it. Which is how we came up with the plan of catching the tarantula and then killing it outside.

But we don’t happen to have a “tarantula killing kit,” so it was difficult to figure out how we were going to catch this thing. Which is how we ended up with a cleaning bucket and a broom.

If you are reading this I don’t know how well you happen to know Dani or me for that matter. So let me just give you some background.

Dani’s the one wearing the headlamp and holding the broom and watching the tarantula as she’s about ready to conquer it fearlessly.

I’m the girl in the corner saying, “Go Dani!” and periodically screaming.

Dani kills things. I give moral support.

Anyways, so I put the bucket up on the top of Rodrigo’s bed, being careful not to disturb the world’s biggest grasshopper.

Then I backed away and shone a flashlight up on the ceiling. But then we realized that if the tarantula did somehow miraculously end up in the bucket, we should probably cover the bucket. Which is why I ran out of the room to grab a plastic bag. But by the time I got back the tarantula was making a run for crack in the ceiling leading outside.

So then we are all like oh my word what do we do.

And then I was all like, “Boot it outside! Hard!”

So then here comes Dani with her headlight and broom and she shoved that thing with the force of a hurricane.

Sweet victory.

Then she looks at me and is all like, “Run outside! Let’s get it!”

So basically I was unaware of the fact that we were going to go conquer this tarantula outside in the dark. I’m wearing this sundress thing that works rather well as pajamas and socks and flipflops.

Moral support.

So out Dani and I go, in the midst of telling all our wide-eyed boys that no they can’t come with us they need to stay inside.

We walked around the corner of the house, looking out for creepy animals and stuff (like for real). We got to the place where the tarantula should be. And what do you know, no tarantula.

The lucky thing is we were on the side of the house where there is sidewalk.

Now to all of you who have common sense, when there is a missing tarantula and you can stand on the sidewalk or walk in the grass which is full of leaves and twigs and a million and a half things the tarantula can hide under, what would you walk on?

The sidewalk.

Apparently I don’t have common sense.

So yeah, I ventured out into the grass trying to find the missing tarantula.

It was gone. Like I was looking all over the wall and the ground and literally there was no tarantula.

And then I hear it. What no one wants to hear when they’re standing in the middle of a million and a half things a tarantula can hide under while looking for a missing tarantula.

“Darian. Darian. Darian.”

Dani was saying my name in such a way that I knew.

So then chaos broke loose. I started jumping around and flailing my arms and probably being a little extreme but oh my goodness there is a tarantula either on me or about to be on me and I am in the middle of the jungle and it is dark and I am terrified and I AM GOING TO DIE.

So that went on for a little bit. I was desperately trying to keep both feet off the ground at the same time (which is honestly pretty difficult) and simultaneously fling whatever might be on me off.

Eventually I somehow flung myself to the sidewalk.

And there’s Dani, looking at me, half-horrified and half dying of laughter. Which is when she proceeded to tell me that she had the thought process of:

Where did I fling the tarantula?

Oh it probably landed right there.

Oh Darian’s standing right there.

Oh, there’s the tarantula, about to climb onto Darian’s foot.

Darian. Darian. Darian.

So yeah, Dani saved my life.

And then we both doubled over and laughed hysterically and then booked it into the house as, well, we still hadn’t killed the tarantula.

Then Dani booted out the grasshopper and the boys went to sleep.

And I’d like to say we did too but honestly we were up until one a.m. because we were rather insane.

But I’m not complaining. I remember when I used to crawl into a warm comfortable bed and gracious there are times I wish I could do that. But I’m starting to really like walking into our little room full of mysterious creatures with Dani, both of us laughing hysterically and declaring, “what is life” over and over again.

Because seriously.

What is life.