I Ripped My Pants

November 29

So behind the Vegetables house there is a river. Back in the day when I turned 21 and Kevin and Andrew decided to be darlings and head the “let’s harass Darian” movement and pick me up, carry me (along with several amused children), and throw me into a river? Yeah. That’s the one.

Don’t worry. It’s tradition. They’re getting thrown in too.

So the other week, since school was out but the kids were still here, we spent a whole lot of time at the river.

Can I just say that those river times are now one of my very favorite memories from this adventure so far?

Nothing compares to swimming around in cool water under giant trees and having little boys say “Chase me, Teacher! Chase me!” and before I know it I am chasing little boys all over in between telling all my little ones “I love you, too” and listening to Eliseo come up to me and say my beautiful Mommy and Lechuga tell me I’m his mom for the very first time and

SO MUCH LOVE EVERYWHERE.

Anyways. One particular afternoon I was in the river. And David decided to start a game of tag with me.

So I guess you don’t know David. Basically David is fourteen but no one believes it. He must be seventeen at least. He is super strong and fast and athletic and absolutely hilarious and we all adore him so so much. And we are more than convinced they wrote the year wrong on his birth certificate.

Anyways. If there was any kid here I would play tag with knowing I was going to fail epicly (is that a word? Spellcheck hates it), it would probably be David.

But you know. When you’re floatin around in a Bolivian river and a kid decides to start a game of tag, it’s kinda like why not.

So yeah. That happened.

And if I can just brag for a moment I was honestly doing pretty well. I’m not really sure if you can win tag? Is that a thing? But I was definitely killin it.

Oh I forgot to tell you that David is also a fish. Like he can dive and stuff.

I’m just going to go ahead and let it out that diving is kind of right up there with my worst nightmares. Like hey I know I’m just gonna shove my face right in that water so hard and hope that all those little water molecules go right up my nose so that I can’t breathe and cough and experience pain for the next few minutes. That sounds fun.

I hate diving.

So David is like diving all over the place and I’m pathetically leaping and sticking out my arms which happen to be remarkably long but not as long as David’s dive.

Okay I know this sounds bad but trust me I was doing great.

Anyways so I just remember one time in particular David did one of his fish leap dive things, and I did my pathetic little jump in which I put one leg forward in the water really rapidly (okay like fast walking. Just trying to make it sound impressive) and then I sat down in the water and looked around for him. And then I noticed a whole lot of water on my legs.

Like yeah I’m in the river but it was more than usual.

I casually put my hand on my leg to see what was going down and then I was like

Oh. That’s literally my leg.

As in that’s not my pants.

My pants that were there a few minutes ago.

And that’s how I realized I ripped my pants. And by ripped my pants I mean I destroyed my pants. And by destroyed my pants I mean there was like a two foot tare where you probably don’t want a two foot tare in your pants.

I know. Embarrassing.

So then I kind of freaked out a little.

You see, the awesome thing about so many little boys in the water is that they all want to play. The not so awesome thing is that sometimes playing means grabbing you and pulling you out of the water and throwing you back in.

And I was not in the condition to be pulled out of the water.

Like um hi guys.

Yeah. Not happening.

So I kind of secretly made my way to the not so kidded area of the river. But honestly it probably wasn’t very secretive because one thing I’ve learned about myself in this “get to know yourself better” adventure is that my face says a lot. So even though I was trying to play it cool and be like oh you know just making my way over somewhere new, my face probably said

OH MY GOODNESS GET ME AWAY FROM THE CHILDREN NOW. I NEED TO BE HIDDEN. OH GRACIOUS EVERYONE IS STARING AT ME. I AM MORTIFIED. THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING OH MY WORD. EVERYONE KNOWS I RIPPED MY PANTS.

So yeah, once I not so casually made my way over to a little clear spot, I was like hey Dani come over here now. We need to talk.

And so she came over after finally tearing herself away from all the little children attacking her with hugs and kisses and I was all like

So yeah I kind of ripped my pants a lot. Can you please go get me some new ones?

And she was an angel and did. But beforehand we decided I kind of needed a body guard as these kids kind of never leave you alone. And hey who better to do that than the strong fish David? So Dani was all like Hey David, Darian ripped her pants. Can you make sure no kids mess with her?

David laughed at me of course and then sat down next to me. And then we just sat there. I felt a little strange and also very thankful for the first time that the river water is so very dirty. Eventually Alan came over. He put his arm around me and we were talking and I looked over at him and said I ripped my pants so that was awkward. But some things just need to be said.

A few minutes later Dani came back with Candace’s shorts (thanks darlins). So yeah. Now I’m in the river with like twenty boys and I need to change my pants.

So I’m like right here? Right now? Is this real?

And then I kind of really awkwardly took my pants off. It was a process as I was trying to be nonchalant. Which, lets be real, is kind of impossible when you’re taking your pants off. Then I put the not ripped shorts on.

So all of a sudden all these little boys looked over and were like

Dude. Teacher Darian is holding her pants. Teacher Darian doesn’t have pants on.

So that was kind of mortifying. I considered standing up and showing everyone that yes, in fact, I did have pants on. But then I thought of the initial moment when they thought I would be standing up without pants on and decided I’d rather not.

But eventually we moved on. Kind of. I was laughed at for the rest of my time in the river. Also Juanca tied part of my ripped pants around his ankle so that was weird. But honestly they were super cute and had a great design so hey, props Juanca. Glad you got some good use out of the fabric that made it through.

Anyways, that kind of turned into a long story. But basically I ripped my pants the other day in the river and I really liked those pants. But I also got to play with the kids and I happen to like the kids more than I liked my pants. In fact, I like them more than anything I own, which is why giving up all the comforts of America to be with them was more than worth it.

Goodness, I’d give comfort up over and over again to never lose the joy I’ve found.

Jahel jumping in.