This campus feels so empty.
I feel so empty.
I went from living with eight little boys who needed to be
told brush your teeth and shower without pants and wash your clothes and take smaller bites and knock before you come into my room and please don’t tattle about everything to
just taking care of myself. Which happens to be a lot less entertaining as I’m
pretty good about showering without pants and I’ve eaten enough to have an idea
of how much food to put on my spoon.
Last night was the first night in months that I went to bed
without any little boy hugs or kisses. Or goodnight
I love you.
Or please Hugo. Once
again, go to the bathroom before we have worship.
And tonight I walked into the boys’ room to turn on the
light to the bathroom (the lights are connected) and Wilfredo’s shoes were on
the floor. Go figure.
Only that boy could still manage to get his shoes on the
floor in the middle of the room. Without even being here.
I wanted more than anything to call his name and hear Si Teacher? and see him run into the
room with his handsome new haircut that makes him look so much older and ask
him why are your shoes here and watch
that adorable, sly smile cross his face as he runs over to, for the third time
that day, put away his shoes.
But instead I walked
out of the empty room, wondering how he’s doing.
There are two brothers here, Juan Carlos (we call him
Juanca) and Jose Carlos. They are precious.
Juanca and I have been pretty close all year. In the first
couple weeks we were here, he was constantly asking me for a piece of the gum I
brought from home. I told him that if he memorized a verse in English and told
it to me, I’d give him a piece. That little boy worked on Philippians 4:13
nonstop until he was in my room quoting it to me and cheerfully walked away
with my gum.
He even started calling me mom pretty early in the
schoolyear. He came over to our house all the time. Almost every morning after
breakfast I would feel two hands covering my eyes. I know it’s you, Juanca. He’d laugh and give me a giant hug.
This boy had my heart from the beginning.
His brother, Jose, stands out with his sweet smile and constant
willingness to help. I didn’t really have much interaction with him until recently.
Just the other day he asked me to sit by him for a meal and I ate with him for
the first time. I got up to talk to Hugo and when I sat back down and took a
bite of my pizza I realized he had poured salt, quite generously, all over it.
He thought it was the funniest thing in the world. I thus started calling him
“meanie-pantalones,” as I don’t know the word for meanie in Spanish but I do
happen to know the word for pants. And so yeah. We’ve bonded.
Anyways. These two boys are going through some stuff with
their father which made it appear that they would be staying on campus with us all
of summer break. I was so excited to have them here as there were currently
only two other kids staying.
I was especially excited as Jose and I were just starting to
get closer and Juanca had stolen me from the start, so I just knew that it
would be so wonderful and fun to have them around.
I just love them so much.
Today I was in the kitchen cooking supper and saw Juanca
running by. Juanca! I shouted as I
hadn’t seen him all day and wanted him to come say hi. He did his little laugh
and kept running. Typical. I walked outside, planning to chase him down, and
saw him giving a hug to Dagner.
I looked at him strangely.
I’m leaving, he
said.
No.
Yes!
Where?
To my house.
Are you serious?
Yes!
How?
With my dad.
I couldn’t believe it. For months I had planned on him
staying with us all summer.
I walked back into the kitchen and looked out the doors of
the Big House to see his brother, Jose, walking out of his house with his all
his stuff.
My heart sank. They really were leaving.
Dani and I gave instructions to the girls about how to
finish up supper and headed outside. Miguel had just come back with the truck
and was getting ready to take the boys into town to meet their dad.
We walked over together. Jose was in Miguel’s house and when
he came out his eyes were filled with tears.
I gave him a hug.
Jose I love you so
much.
Me too, Teacher.
And then my eyes
flooded with tears. I wasn’t expecting to have to say goodbye to them. Not for
five months. I was in no way prepared.
Juanca was sitting in the truck. He saw me crying and
immediately made his way over to me, that sweet smile on his face.
I wrapped my arms around him and, tears streaming down my
face, said
I love you so much.
He looked up at me, those big brown eyes under that spiked
up hair. And said, so very sincerely
Same, Mommy.
I could not let that kid go.
…
But of course I did. A few minutes later when Miguel drove
them away, Juanca looked at me and yelled out the truck, Crybaby!
His very last words. So.
Juanca.
And this is one goodbye out of oh so many. Far too many. But
it was different because in that moment, when Juanca looked up at me and called
me Mommy, I thought of all the memories I have with this kid.
Listening to him tell me Philippians 4:13 in English, all
for a piece of gum.
The day I was so exhausted after teaching and was cleaning
up the classroom and he just walked in the room, looked at me, and said Mother.
The times he got down on one knee and proposed to me.
All the times at meals when he would come over and wait
around, hoping one of my boys wouldn’t be able to finish his food.
The time he secretly took my pack of gum from my room and
ran in the next morning, desperate to tell me that his friends so wrongly stole
my gum from under his bed. And we had a talk about what the actual problem was
with that situation.
Having him come to the house and help get all my boys
showered. Watching him be such a leader.
The millions of times he patted my stomach and said How’s the baby? I haven’t gained that
much weight I promise.
And telling him goodbye. Having him look up into my eyes and
call me his mom. And thinking
My word Juanca. I’m so
proud to call you my son.
 |
| Juanca and I outside my house. |
My heart! Beautiful.
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